Children live a period of rapid growth and development that represents a clear difference from the relative stability of adults. Besides the physical changes associated with aging, there are important social, cognitive and behavioral changes have profound implications for child psychopathology and its treatment.
Age is presented as one of the most important aspects to be taken into account in the consideration and prognosis of childish behavior, because what can be as absolutely normal of a certain age may no longer be in another age (fighting, bedwetting, fear or sexual activity). Such behaviors are considered very differently and have a different prognosis according to the age of the child that manifests. In fact, most of the symptoms of childhood disorders are appropriate behaviors, or at least typical in the early stages of development (hyperactivity, restlessness and even aggression). For example, epidemiological studies of normal children show that parents report that about half of the children are restless hyperactive and distractible; the most characteristic symptoms of hyperactivity disorder with attention deficit disorder.
Age must also be taken into account when determining whether to intervene, the choice of treatment and when it has to intervene, this is a difficult task due to systematic changes in the behavioral and emotional patterns that occur in the course of development.
To maintain a good relationship is necessary that communication is good and this always open.
- Talking is not everything. It is better to talk in a low voice but involving a real consequence.
- Tactics to develop a good communication must be adapted to the age and maturity of the child.
The proper order to foster good communication is spending more impact with fewer words when they are young, and other words with fewer consequences as it approaches the period of adolescence.
In general, it is best to use more direction with a child / a little more communication with a child / an older.
Telling a child / a 2-year-old burning stove can reach him understand over time that should not touch her, but decides to withdraw his hand and firmly: NO! makes you immediately understand what is intended. However, a teenager who is found drinking beer or smoking may need a punishment, but will not do much if you are not given information about alcohol and drugs.
Listening to our children so that they communicate to us their concerns, joys, feelings …
Observe their behavior
When the child / a suddenly starts acting in a different way, is likely to try to communicate something.
Miguel 8 years had become destructive, broken toys and household items. It was found that was very concerned about the health of his father, who was precarious, but which never speaks in his presence. With help, he was able to express their feelings and express their fears stop.
Help express emotions
The process of teaching a child / y to define and express their emotions is slow and involves much prodding.
With very young children, it is useful to use the “tree of feeling.” As the child becomes greater is useful to use expressions such as “Sounds as if you’re mad at Juan”, “It seems you’re worried about something. What do you think it is? … In addition, fire after a short talk can be achieved that the child / to verbalize he is jealous….
Nor should we forget that he has not only taught to express their feelings but also must add a consequence to their behavior.
Javier, 4 years are trying to fit two pieces of a toy and cannot. It is angering and finally throws the toy on the floor. His mother explains that it is normal to feel “upset” and when you feel so should ask for help. Also adds a consequence “when throwing things and not see again all afternoon.”
Time to Play
It is very important to find a daily time to talk with our children, which tell us what happened to them during the day and their feelings, so feel free to give us details.
- Make appointments to speak. Do not Forget to keep appointments.
- Lend the maximum attention. Act like you had all the time in the world and as if a friend of yours who had a problem.
- Start the conversation. Sometimes it takes a lot of Then serve phrases like “Let ‘s Talk” or “Tell me what’s bothering you”; sometimes it is much better to be more specific: “When you got the very sad school seemed. Would I want to tell you what happened to you?” Can the child to say you will not talk at that time. So I respect him / ay let her know you can talk later when you are ready / a. It is also possible that your son / daughter needs one more push and first telling a story or making up a story where a child and your child, which appears something similar happens … you may then begin to express themselves. Sometimes it is best to start embracing him sit at his side and wait unhurriedly to boot.
- Keep the conversation alive. Resist the temptation to summarize what counts before it has finished. Avoid giving long speeches … Follow the thread as a friend leak of a policeman making an interrogation. You must learn to put yourself in his place, let him know you understand how you feel, get up to the worldview that your son / daughter has, that should not necessarily be accurate “truth” of what happened. Finally, make known to your son / daughter that you’re happy / a to share your feelings with you: “Thank you for telling me,”I’m glad you to tell me, I know you will have cost” … or just a hug.
How to talk to the child
- Look into his eyes and encourages your child to look at you like you. If your son / daughter costs can be useful to play at another time to “game looks.”
- Do not forget to praise him when he does.
- Talk with firm and relaxed voice.
- Use simple sentences. In addition, avoid speeches.
- Explain to your child / to the feelings they produce in you their actions or attitudes frugal to criticize directly (in addition to establishing consequences when necessary): “I get very angry when you leave your toys uncollected and I have to pick I,”me get very angry when you take too long to eat and have to wait to pick up the kitchen and I cannot be with you after reading you a story “…
- Learn to use phrases in the first person rather than at second. Thus, avoiding criticism and blame the child does not stop expressing your emotions effectively.
- Say what you think and think what you say.
Understanding our children
Here are some ideas that can serve as a guide to good parent-child relationship:
- Parents and children are not equal in all aspects. The only difference is the natural dependence of the child in relation to security, support and food, which gives parents a natural responsibility for large areas of the child’s life.
- Parents who punish children, who do not behave as expected of them, are not “bad parents”. Punishment is only bad when:
- It is not used to change the behavior of a child
- Brings unintended consequences for the child
- Parents promote a sense of security in children when they say exactly what they want when they say it clearly and when they are consistent and predictable in their behavior.
- A child can develop their sense of responsibility only when he is held responsible for their actions. This sense of responsibility can and should be taught by parents.
- Paternal authority need not be exercised abusively, petty, hard or harmful to the child. However, the authority rests with the parents.
- Most of the difficulties between parents and children emerge from the struggle, which is established to have power and control. Parents should know how to win this battle when necessary so that they can empower their children when advisable.
The key to solving most of the difficulties that parents have with their children are to establish standards, mark the consequences of breaking those rules and use consistent discipline.
Effective standards help make the child feel safe, so do not have to misbehave.
It defines a set of rules, which are the relationships between family members, offers guidelines for making decisions and provides ideas on how changes should occur within the family. The process of setting rules and boundaries for children is not static because they must go adjusting to changing circumstances such as physical growth, intellectual and emotional maturity and the new conditions of family life. If the family is not a similar process occurs, chaos will be inevitable. All members feel insecurity and anxiety when there is a lack of understanding and confusion about the role each must play to have appropriate behavior.
The steps to establish standards are…
A) Carefully observe the children
The mere presence of parent’s makes a child’s behavior is not really the one who would. To understand those “other” behaviors must be able to observe children without them realize our presence. Also, ask friends or relatives do you think the behavior of your child. When you are seen, a child so if you need to avoid is the tendency to be only the things he does wrong, instead of observing their general behavior.
One of the main difficulties experienced by parents when they see their children stems from their desire to intervene in their behavior. If you want your child to behave “properly”, remember that an unfortunate intervention can only get an unwanted behavior.
B) To analyze problematic situations
First, find out what the problem is. The best way to define a problem is to identify a behavior you want to change.
One of the most frequently suffers temptations parents when defining a problem is to want to change the emotional state or the child’s feelings. Most effective, however, it is trying to change behavior. If modify behavior is achieved, most of the time also change the emotional state that supported that behavior.
Having defined the problem, the next step is to analyze it. To do this we need all the information we can gather: When did you come? How? What are the consequences? What part of it belongs to us? How do we react? Do we understand why we react this way? What do we like to do? How would we like this situation to be resolved by itself? To analyze each problem it is best that parents, each other or with another person, be able to speak.
After analysis, the next step is to consider the various possibilities to solve it. Then agree to review each considering whether we can do what every possibility requires, the likely consequences this may have on the child and ourselves, and also if the solution is reasonable in terms of time, energy and money.
C) Establish standards
- The rules must be reasonable
- Parents should make sure to distinguish when the standard has been met and when not.
- We must describe the rules in detail
- The rules should set a time limit
- There must be some expected result if compliance with a rule is broken
D) Be consistent in applying
Consistency is a way to inform the child that parents really mean what they say. The consistent application of standards will promote good order and discipline in the family, will contribute to security and all offer a better layout.
How to make decisions about our son
Parents find it so difficult to make decisions regarding their children do not have confidence in what action to take.
For some parents, any result other than an immediate and spontaneous understanding or effective response to the difficulties is a sign of personal failure. This is an absolute nonsense; no one is born as a father. On the contrary, being a parent is something you learn.
Not easy to decide on how to proceed with the children. We must do what we can with what we have. As a parent, you need to have time to sit quietly to analyze the difficulties of their children and to decide what to do.
When parents are undecided regarding their children, they perceive it and this affects their feelings of safety and well-being.
If we are wrong in choosing, parents and children are still together and so we can correct the mistakes made in the past. This willingness to act decisively, even at the possibility of making mistakes is what allows the adult to acquire some degree of confidence, which in turn will provide the ability to correct their mistakes.
Parents who show undecided offer their children an excellent opportunity to be capricious and domineering creating a climate of growing tension.
When parents are also willing to admit their mistakes and learn from them, they are also creating the necessary environment for the children, in turn, admit their own mistakes and learn from them climate.